Friday, August 22, 2008

Here We Go More Ways Than One

Since the last time I saw my therapist (3.5 weeks ago or so) and rambled on to her about how well things were going, my eating has been very up and down. No binges, but days of peaceful eating followed by days of overeating. I realized that I needed to figure out what was eating me if I wanted that peace to last longer than two days, and spent some time pondering what I was avoiding with ice cream and pop tarts. I came to the conclusion that my marriage was troubling me. Our summer has been so busy that we've seriously neglected "us" and haven't even had more than one or two dates by ourselves. As a result, our emotional connection has withered. On our dinner date I struggled with conversation that didn't include the children or friends and their doings. I'm descending to that dark place in which I minutely examine T's every look and action for signs of unhappiness with me -- and everything he does annoys and irritates me. The other day I was actually thinking that I'd be relieved if we got divorced and I was daydreaming about moving into a condo with the girls. That's when I knew I really needed to talk to him about my feelings.

So I bit the bullet last night -- only because he asked me what was wrong and said that it looked like something was bothering me when I attempted to demur. I told him of my thoughts and he didn't argue. We agreed to start doing our dialogue questions again (a Retrouvaille technique), and to schedule some dates together. I bought some tickets to upcoming symphony concerts (the Magical Music of Walt Disney, 3 Men and a Tenor, The Music of the Eagles, and Pops Goes Vegas), and we chose some other dates to have breakfast together, go out to dinner for our anniversary, and have an afternoon date on a Sunday. Our bowling league starts September 14 (drat!) and will be from 3:30-6:30pm this year, so I suggested that we might have dinner together after bowling on some Sundays. Sometimes I wonder if marriage is this difficult for everyone or if we're just not really meant for each other. I love him and would be devastated if anything happened to him, but we're really very different. Well, I'll soldier on and see if I can get over this blah period.

So....I've been considering going on the South Beach Diet. I know, I're thinking that I'm kidding myself. The only diet I've ever stayed on for longer than 3 days was Weight Watchers -- and I think I lasted 7 days on that before I went over my allotted number of points. However, my main problem with all of the diets I've ever tried is HUNGER. I am always ravenous and finally give in and end up face first in a bag of potato chips. I read the old SB book, the new SB book, and did a LOT of reading online about SB. I haven't found a single person who said she was hungry while on SB, and all said they lost weight, lowered their cholesterol, and had all sorts of fantastic results on SB. As a result of trying to lower my triglycerides, I already only eat 1-2 servings of fruit a day and 1-2 servings of bread/cereal/rice/pasta anyway. The biggest stumbling block for me is the "no sugar" rule. I am not about to go back to eating artificial sweetener after giving it up last fall. I may try subbing agave nectar once I finish the first two weeks of the diet -- at least it's natural. It's low on the glycemic index too. I don't want to end up bingeing because I feel deprived in some way -- it's been months since I had a binge. The jury is still out, but I am seriously thinking of trying it. Let me know if you have any thoughts about it or experience with it.


Hayley said...

I'm more of a lurker than a commenter, but I wanted to let you know that I'm going through 2 of the same things as you:

1) learning to be a "normal" eater and

2) Trying hard to salvage my relationship with my husband.

I have those exact same thoughts as you - daydreaming about what it would be like to be on my own (we don't have kids) and wondering what the heck happened to "us." most of the time I feel as though I live with a roommate...

I know this doesn't help much, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone...

Emma said...

South beach gets boring. But it's effective if you can manage it. I follow the spark people low calorie plan and I try to eat complex carb over less complex carbs when possible. It works for me. I'm so glad you are working on it. Next time start working sooner or better yet don't stop working on it ever again.

besomom said...

I did SB a couple years ago and lost about 5 lbs in the first 2 weeks, which stayed off for 8 months, until the holidays rolled around again and I put it back on. I followed Phase I pretty closely for the two weeks, then moved to Phase II, which is where I maintained the 5 lb loss, but didn't lose more. During Phase I it was true, I was never hungry. I counted calories and was shocked that I was feeling perfectly sated on 1200 or 1300 calories per day. You're eating good food, too. You're just very limited in what you can eat. Phase II didn't feel like a diet because that's mostly how I eat anyway, which probably explains why I didn't lose more weight in Phase II. I've been thinking about doing Phase I again, except I love fruit, and we've got blueberries right now, and apples are almost ripe, and the watermelon is still good... Maybe in November!

As for marriage, I find mine pretty easy, and always have (16 years married now, 22 years of being together), but so many of my friends seem to have to work at it, so I don't think it's that uncommon. The fact that Retrouvaille even exists shows that there is a need for it, and that marriages can take a lot of effort.