Thursday, August 09, 2012

Feeling Judged for Everything

We went out to dinner last night for our monthly "sib dinner" with Tim's siblings and spouses. Afterward, I suggested going out to get frozen yogurt at TCBY. After everyone ordered, I noticed that one SIL didn't get anything. When someone commented, she replied, "I'm just trying to stay away from sugar." My other SIL said, "You've dropped some more weight, haven't you? I thought so." The first SIL replied, "Yes I have. Thank you for noticing." Then she repeated that she was trying to not eat sugar. I immediately felt judged, and vaguely threatened. I think that's why I dislike when people comment on my weight loss. I feel like they are judging the fatter me and finding me wanting.

It seems a common thing that people feel judged when someone is eating salad instead of the burger they ordered. My coworkers make constant comments about my healthy foods, and seem embarrassed that they are eating a cookie while I'm eating spinach. I NEVER make any sort of judgmental comment about food someone is eating, though (to be honest) I have been known to read ingredients on the packages of snacks on our back counter and announce "PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED OIL!"

It's not just food either. We haven't had TV reception for 16 years, but it came about sort of by accident, rather than by choice. We have chosen to continue to live without it, but would never have had just given it up if circumstances hadn't led to it. When people hear that we don't have TV (I don't usually announce it, but it comes up in conversation eventually with most people), they immediately announce, "Oh, we hardly watch any TV" or "I only watch the news and such-and-such show". I always stress to them that when we did have TV, it was on from dawn til dusk and we didn't give it up out of any disapproval of it or anything. Nonetheless, they really want me to know that they don't really watch it. Much.