Thursday, August 09, 2012

Feeling Judged for Everything

We went out to dinner last night for our monthly "sib dinner" with Tim's siblings and spouses. Afterward, I suggested going out to get frozen yogurt at TCBY. After everyone ordered, I noticed that one SIL didn't get anything. When someone commented, she replied, "I'm just trying to stay away from sugar." My other SIL said, "You've dropped some more weight, haven't you? I thought so." The first SIL replied, "Yes I have. Thank you for noticing." Then she repeated that she was trying to not eat sugar. I immediately felt judged, and vaguely threatened. I think that's why I dislike when people comment on my weight loss. I feel like they are judging the fatter me and finding me wanting.

It seems a common thing that people feel judged when someone is eating salad instead of the burger they ordered. My coworkers make constant comments about my healthy foods, and seem embarrassed that they are eating a cookie while I'm eating spinach. I NEVER make any sort of judgmental comment about food someone is eating, though (to be honest) I have been known to read ingredients on the packages of snacks on our back counter and announce "PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED OIL!"

It's not just food either. We haven't had TV reception for 16 years, but it came about sort of by accident, rather than by choice. We have chosen to continue to live without it, but would never have had just given it up if circumstances hadn't led to it. When people hear that we don't have TV (I don't usually announce it, but it comes up in conversation eventually with most people), they immediately announce, "Oh, we hardly watch any TV" or "I only watch the news and such-and-such show". I always stress to them that when we did have TV, it was on from dawn til dusk and we didn't give it up out of any disapproval of it or anything. Nonetheless, they really want me to know that they don't really watch it. Much.

25 comments:

Mary Ellen Quigley said...

I have never understood why so many people try to compare themselves to others. Don't worry about it. All you can worry about is yourself.

Evangelista Nick said...

I agree. Copying other people is just so childish. I have the same situation with this TV thingy, so I completely understand you.

Jo said...

As the old saying goes "to compare leads to despair".

Appreciate yourself as a unique individual and others will too :)

Kelly Williams said...

People should try and not compare themselves to other people. In that way people can be happier when they stop comparing themselves to others.

Linda R. Dickerman said...

Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It’s the little changes that produce the greatest changes. Many thanks for sharing!

Marie said...

I agree Kelly, if you compare yourself to others you are always going to compare your worst to their best....

It's much better to appreciate your uniqueness :)

grace said...

Just worry about ones self and don't pay attention to others. That's what my mum used to say to me.

Max said...

Thank you for sharing! Just remember the prose poem Desiderata- "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." Just be yourself and strive to be happy always! :-D

Shen said...

I usually keep on encountering this kind of situation. What I tell my friends is that, "You don't need to please anybody, what you need is to just believe in yourself" Just don't mind those people, what they want to do is just to gossip and to ask you why are you making some changes in your life which is to eat healthy food. What's important is you're health conscious and you want to have a healthy lifestyle.

Kat said...

Dont go looking at others positives as you will naturally compare them to your negatives and vice versa.

Mary Dewitte said...

I was able to get rid of that feeling a long time ago when I learned to build positive vibes inside me. The way I see things now is very much different compared before. Now, I always think that I am better than any other people and I possessed abilities they don't have. That makes my self-esteem high. It really developed my self-confidence. I am at peace with myself. My secret- Just love yourself! :-D

Loren B said...

I would never comment on a co-worker's eating habit. To each their own! I stopped comparing myself to everyone else when I realized others are so quick to criticize no matter what anyway!

Maxine said...

No matter what you do, your always going to be judged by others. Some in a positive way and others in a negative way. All you have to do is believe in yourself and not listen to the naysayers. Alot easier said than done though :)

Jenny said...

Remember when you was a child and your parents use to tell you to ignore the other people that tried to put you down etc. Well that should not change as we grow older. Listen to the people who love you and nobody else.

Pauline said...

If you compare yourself to others you are always going to be let down. The only comparisons you should ever do is to yourself. Are you better than you were yesterday, last week and last year?

Chris said...

it's just a matter of keeping up with the Jones's. Everybody is into everyone else s business. People just need to be more concerned with their own situation and not compare or judge others.

Eric said...

I really feel you, it seems like everyone has got their eyes on me and it makes me feel really insecure. Please stop judging me grrrr

Nadine said...

I used to be so insecure and wondered what everyone thought of me. In fact, I was obsessed with wanting people to like me, and was devastated if they didn't. Now I'm much more laid back.

Paul said...

I do not think it is right for people to judge without knowing someone just on there appearance. I think it is a joke.

Mike said...

I really feel sorry for people who belittle others, they have nothing better to do and I'm sure it's insecurity on their part. Know that when they judge you/condemn you it's just their way of making themselves feel better :)

Deborah said...

Glorified bullies are what they are. I have been through it myself and it is one of the worst things a person can ever go through in life. x

Jen said...

Don't fret what others think, they are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down :)

Harry said...

I used to judge others a lot, however after a while I realised I was projecting my own insecurity onto others. The last five years have been enlightening to me.

Andreas said...

I enjoyed reading your post. You have a wonderful sense of humor in your writing. I found it funny that people make it a point to let you know they don't watch much television. I think you notice a lot more important things when the T.V is shut off. Keep up the good work.

Bry said...

Thanks for the insight. Some people are just so crude.