Tuesday weigh-in: 168.6
Not too bad, considering the three birthday parties I went to this week. Though I confess, I thought I was doing really well not overeating at all. On C's birthday she requested pizza. Knowing I'd want cake & ice cream I ate one piece of pizza, 3/4 of a pear, and about 3/4 cup of butternut squash. I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty or stuffed after eating it either.
As to the title of my post? I have realized over the past couple of weeks as I journal my food and any "lessons learned" that day that I have become so completely entrenched in a diet mentality, it is practically impossible for me to either overeat or eat anything unhealthy without feeling guilt. Whenever I finish a meal (even a salad) and feel quite full, or eat a small dish of ice cream, or eat one Hershey's kiss that I hadn't really planned to have, I have such strong feelings of wanting to eat more and start over tomorrow (the so-called "last supper" syndrome known to many a dieter), it's unbelievable. Thoughts of "what else can I eat" or "what the heck -- I might as well eat ______ now" just pop into my head, totally unbidden. I noted such feelings in my journal this past week almost every single day.
This may be the first time that I was able to overcome them so often. I told myself over and over again that I am the only person who can put food -- or not put food -- into my mouth. I can eat any food I want whenever I am hungry. When I am not hungry, there is absolutely no reason to eat. Not that I haven't told myself that before (see multitude of previous postings), but this week I actually listened to myself. Perhaps eventually I will be able to short-circuit Pavlov's training.
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