Feeling Good Again

I'm feeling much more normal now, thank heavens. I weighed myself for the first time in about 6 weeks and was surprised to see that I'd lost a little more, weighing 156. I had prepared myself for a gain, considering the cookies and candy I'd eaten during the holiday season. I suppose the extra exercise I did helped offset the extra calories.

I saw my therapist this week for the first time in 8 weeks, and discussed my discomfort with people's comments on my weight loss. We discussed an inner script I could use when it happens, and she said that I might think about making a comment on being the same person inside if it seems appropriate at the time. I'm glad we had the talk because one of my storytime moms said, "You look so skinny!" when she saw me Thursday. I didn't feel much of anything, which is an improvement for sure.

The therapist and I also spent a long time talking about my job. Before my vacation in December, I'd really been thinking that I was really unhappy at work and felt really depressed that I was kind of stuck there for 20 more years. I wasn't sleeping well, wasn't doing much while at work, and actually hoped to get sick so I could stay home. During my vacation, I dropped off to sleep immediately almost every night and felt so relaxed. As soon as I started back at work, I started tossing and turning again and felt tense and unhappy at work. It dawned on me last week that my feelings were centered around one of my coworkers. She is supposed to be my "right hand woman", but shows no initiative whatsoever. If I suggest something, she doesn't do it. She is not a team player, and other coworkers complain about that to me often. She will do whatever I ask her to do, but doesn't do anything on her own. It's as though I'm her mother. She has also had complaints about her programs, so I have scheduled her to do as few as possible, taking on the majority myself. As a result I am burning out! I am not her boss though, so I really have no authority to do anything. I finally shared my feelings with my boss, who was very supportive and upset that it had gotten so bad for me. This particular woman's evaluation is coming soon, so my boss promised to address the issues then. On one hand, I feel great relief that it's all out in the open, but on the other hand, I'm worried that my coworker will blame me and think I have it out for her. As a person she's a very nice girl, but I just don't think she's cut out for this job.

I had my last session with the personal trainer -- boo hoo. I really enjoyed working with her and she has given me the confidence I needed to weight train on my own now. I was so afraid I would hurt my leg, but she has shown me that I really can use pretty heavy weights without injuring myself. I'm now excited to work on getting stronger!