Change is Slow

I'm not sure how I went from writing a blog that hardly anyone ever looked at to being the target of spammers, but what the h*ll? I'm suddenly getting half a dozen comments on every blog post -- all of which belong to spammers who have shady weight loss sites. I've deleted at least 100 comments over the past couple of months. Oy. Moving on...

Since my last post, I've been attempting to move toward the McDougall way of eating, with mixed results. I haven't been overly hungry, so it fits in well with eating intuitively and not starving. I've not had any meat that I can recall, and I can't say I've really missed it. I haven't had much cheese, had no eggs or yogurt, and no cows' milk. Heh. Let me rephrase that. I've had no eggs or milk plain. I have, however, eaten some baked goods that I'm sure contained those ingredients. I baked a vegan cake for my daughter's birthday (she is on a kick to give up dairy), but then proceeded to eat ice cream at her party...and for several days afterward. I've stayed away from most of the goodies at work, but have had days of just plain giving in and snarfing down a doughnut or a few mini candy bars or a few cookies. It's also hard to feed my family things like pizza and not have any.

For thanksgiving yesterday, I did well at eating sensibly -- skipping the turkey and white store-bought rolls, and eating cranberries, the vegan quinoa stuffing I baked, the vegan sweet potato casserole I baked, the vegan mashed potatoes I made....then I ate a piece of banana bread my SIL brought and the downhill slide started. I ate several pieces of pie -- there were five to choose from, and though I started with small pieces of three, I went back and ended up overstuffed after at least five pieces. I felt like crap. I continued to feel like crap today after eating leftovers. After weeks of not stuffing myself, I stepped right back into the role of out-of-control binger.

I feel as though I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I deny myself for health reasons, I act like a kid left alone in a candy store when I am around things like peanut butter pie and chocolate pudding pie (yesterday) and I overeat them. Yet, I can't eat that stuff on a regular basis and "legalize it" unless I want to take cholesterol medication for the rest of my life.

I've made some recipes from the McDougall cookbooks, and they are bland with a capital B. I know that they probably are that way on purpose since he advocates as little salt intake as possible. I made a squash/sweet potato/carrot soup and added about half a tablespoon of adobo chili powder to each serving. I made a potato corn chowder and added a ton of chipotle chili powder to that. Hmmm...maybe I have ruined my tastebuds by adding Sriracha to everything and anything? I have discovered that potatoes are really quite satisfying. I had a grapefruit and a small potato with catsup for breakfast one day and wasn't super hungry til noon. Since I wake up at 4:45am, that's quite a feat. Of course, I didn't EAT the potato and fruit until 7am, but my oatmeal/banana/flaxseed/almond butter breakfasts never stay with me til noon.

For many lunches, I've just been throwing a bunch of frozen veggies in a bowl and layering 1/2c of a grain (brown rice, millet, wheatberries, barley, quinoa...) on top of them, 1/2 cup of beans (black, pinto, etc) on top of that, and then drizzling some vegan "cheesy" sauce (fat free) and Sriracha on top of that. It's quite filling and satisfies me for hours, most days.

I had lost a few pounds, but after the last couple of days of pie gluttony, I have probably put them right back on. However, the only way to fail is to stop trying, right?