"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."."~ M. Scott Peck
Not bad -- almost what I weighed on halloween, which is the last time I stepped on the scale. I was especially pleased considering the number of cookies I ate over the past ten days. I don't want to "give up" on intuitive eating, but I have realized that constanly being surrounded by food that is unhealthy is not any way to "cure" my eating issues. As I wrote in my previous post, I have a definite problem with variety. I am not going to go on a diet, but am going to renew my efforts to resist bingeing or eating just for the sake of eating.
I sat down and really tried to think through what I need. I started listening to the book "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beck. It's not a diet book, but a book on how to add joy to your life and find that elusive thing that's been missing. I've felt that "something is missing" feeling for a while now. Her first assignment is to spend 15 minutes a day doing nothing. I immediately thought, "Oh yea, right." But I listened on and realized that I've known I need more time to relax and do nothing, but have always resisted, feeling that I'm wasting time. So yesterday I hauled out my meditation CD (the one I bought in September and never opened), set the timer for 20 minutes, and listened. Section one was affirmations and section two was breathing. I was so relaxed I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. You have no idea how unusual that is for me -- the person who didn't even nap when pregnant. After the timer went off, I felt relaxed and wonderful for the rest of the day! I had no desire to compulsively eat anything all afternoon. At dinner (at my aunt Sue's house -- aunt Sue is the most fabulous cook in the universe!!) I didn't overeat. I ate three cookies, but for the first time in ages I didn't have to fight the urge to eat more, more, more when I got home. Today I listened to the CD for 15 minutes during the afternoon. I felt great when I finished.
So, at least 15 minutes of meditation is definitely on the list of what I need. I also think I need to stop being the food provider for my kids. I am turning into a food pusher -- I ask them what they want for breakfast the minute they awaken, I announce that it's lunchtime at the stroke of noon, I offer snacks, I ask if they want dessert, etc. I get stressed out when they don't eat everything I give them. I need to STOP. I will let them ask me for lunch when they're hungry -- or better yet, ask T.
I also would like to stop being the person who puts the leftovers away after dinner. T can do it. When I put them away, I end up eating more at least half of the time.
I no longer want to be the person who brings dessert to every freaking family gathering. Either that or I will start making desserts I'm not all that crazy for, or make something that isn't easy to snitch from, or at the very least make ONE dessert, not three.
I've been doing fine with exercise, so I will keep that up. The one thing I want to increase is weight training, which has fallen by the wayside since my gym issues. I will also continue to eat lots of veggies, fruits, whole grains, etc., avoid diet soda, and I'm toying with cutting out caffeine. I'm down to 1 cup of half-caf coffee per day now. I'd love to switch to green tea, and eventually decaf green tea.
I plan to weigh myself once a month and add in more changes as I go along.
Half Marathon Training Update
5 weeks ago