Friday, April 24, 2009

.........Or Maybe Not

My attempts to eat until satisfied and not beyond aren't going so well. At breakfast and (mostly) at lunch, okay. Dinner? I've only managed it twice since my post. I'm still trying though. It's not like I'm overeating french fries and hamburgers -- I don't often cook dinners that aren't healthy -- but overeating salad is still overeating. Then I feel kind of sad that I don't get hungry before bed so I feel guilty eating a snack or dessert.

I had some sort of odd freak-out last week and one evening I ate so much in such a short time that it almost could be considered a binge. Maybe it was a mini-binge. I talked to my therapist about it and she said that I've made so much progress in such a short time that I shouldn't be surprised that I backslide a bit sometimes. I've been really, really busy lately and under stress at work due to changes coming down the pipeline, so I dealt with it in the old, comforting way. Since I went to see her I've been okay. I told her about how angry I'd been when my FIL told me that my BIL wouldn't "let" his wife buy brownies and she suggested that perhaps I was internalizing it. I thought, "Oh -- duh! Of course I was!" Food and weight is still a very touchy issue with me.

I'm going out to eat tonight with four coworkers. I'm praying that they don't talk about what they "should" be eating and/or how "bad" they're being, but I think my prayers are in vain. Sigh. I am going to order what sounds best to me and eat until satisfied and do my best to ignore their judgments. Tomorrow T and I are going out to eat with about 9 other couples and then to a concert with 1980s music. It should be fun, though I'm dreading the late night. We usually go to bed by 9pm and this concert doesn't even start until 10pm. I can't sleep in on Sunday either. And we have our last league bowling day on Sunday. I will now stop wingeing and concentrate on how much fun we'll have!


Beadie said...

We all backslide. You seem to be in such a healhy place, congrats on recognizing your behaviors and addressing them. That is key.

Anonymous said...

hey there from a fellow 'zaar member and lover! i stumbled upon your blog from another blogroll link and im so excited! i look forward to reading through your blog more and also looking through your recipes. we share simliar struggles that manifest differently, i think. maybe we can exchange blogroll links sometime. take care, hope to keep in touch! -yogiclarebear aka Clare Lorraine

Michelle said...

I came across your blog through @MarshaHudnall on Twitter. I really relate to this post, as I am going through the same process. Evenings are when I find it hardest to listen to my body. It's like I'm just done for the day between the kids, and all I have to do, and I just start to tune out. (And it's worse if I have wine or beer with or before dinner -- that really makes me tune out.)

But last night was a good night, and I didn't finish my dinner -- left more than half of it actually. After a small wake up call I had yesterday I think I am finally reaching a point where I can really listen to my body and stop ignoring it.

Good luck!