Getting a Life

As I mentioned a few entries back, one thing I KNOW I need to do is come out of my shell a bit, reach out to people, and quit hibernating. T and I have been talking about having a card party for the past couple of years. Since I am usually the "organizer of us", I've conveniently never gotten around to actually having the party. It's not that I don't enjoy socializing. I do enjoy it -- while also finding it torturous in some ways (am I the fattest woman here? are my clothes too matronly? do I look way older than all these women? is my arm flab obvious?). When I was skinny, I found it torturous in other ways (am I the fattest woman here? are my clothes too matronly? do I look way older than all these women? why, oh why do they have to have so much food?!?).

I find hosting gatherings especially stressful. Even after two years our house isn't really decorated, and I see the flaws everywhere I look (hmm...kind of like my body?!). The sensible part of me knows that people do not come to your house because you have great curtains, nice artwork on the walls, or an especially clean floor. Seeing my MIL in action taught me that. Their house used to be REALLY shabby -- curtains practically in tatters, throws on all of the furniture because the upholstery was so worn, and carpet stained and threadbare. She isn't even a very good cook. Yet she never hesitated to invite someone to dinner or host a party for the extended family. She is very secure in the knowledge that people enjoy her -- not her house.

Anyway, T finally said, "Okay, let's pick a date and have a euchre party". I said okay and chose July 21. I still had an escape route because we didn't have any invitations. Lo and behold I came home from work last Wednesday to find T at the computer making up a flyer. EEEK! We delivered them to about 10 couples in the neighborhood. So far no one has called to RSVP. I'm already nervous.

In other news, we went out to dinner last night at a restaurant not known for its healthy food. I had looked up the menu online and decided to order baked chicken, a plain sweet potato, and green beans. As the afternoon wore on, I could feel myself weakening (as I amost always do), especially as I grew hungrier. We got to the restaurant and I briefly had a mental fling with the french fries, but stuck to my original choice (except for the green beans which were swimming in some disgusting sauce complete with bacon bits -- got a salad instead). I didn't finish my dinner and was really full. We went to my inlaws afterward for ice cream and O Henry Bars (some odd bar cookie with oatmeal, peanut butter, corn syrup, and chocolate beloved by all of T's family). I wasn't really even tempted to eat any. I was quite full and decided my cholesterol would thank me. One day down....forty years to go.