I have been reading the book Gaining by Aimee Liu, which is about anorexic women who've recovered -- what they have in common, their experiences during and after being anorexic, etc. It's really quite interesting, and I share a lot of traits with the women, though I've never been anorexic. One of the things she describes is holding in emotions. I remember being very prone to tears when I was younger; I'd burst into tears at the slightest hint of criticism or anger directed toward me. My boyfriend used to accuse me of manufacturing tears for sympathy during our fights, but that was just the way I was wired. Something has changed over the years and I very rarely cry these days.
Even the feeling of wanting to cry is rare. When my mom died, I started crying a couple of times, but I didn't ever have a nice, long cry. I wish I could. I asked my husband if he though it odd that I don't cry. He didn't seem to think much of it, but I wonder at my habit of holding my emotions so tightly in check. I purposely avoid sad movies and books, when I used to love watching things like Beaches or Terms of Endearment. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Water for Elephants or any of the recent bestsellers that seem as though they'd be sad. Hmmm..maybe what I really need is to START watching sappy movies and reading sad books!
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