Friday, June 15, 2007

Resentment

I spent my entire day off running errands that HAD to be done, listening to my children fight, and helping my dad pack. I got to my dad's house and felt completely and utterly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of STUFF that he has to get packed by June 30, when my brother will be here to help us move him. I simply cannot believe two people could have accumulated so many unnessary household items. Who on earth needs five tupperware pie holders? I threw away four huge black trash bags full of food that was past the sell by date (by many months), which made me want to weep over the waste of it all.

I felt a huge black resentment because my day was consumed by chores I didn't want to do. I didn't even realize how angry I was until I had eaten a piece of coffee cake, a bite of donut, and 1 1/2 cookies. I was actually hungry, but I was eating compulsively, standing up, shoving it in. I stopped mid cookie, told myself that I was only going to feel worse if I continued, and tossed the rest of the cookie down the disposal. As I started packing up again, I pondered my sudden desire to eat junk and connected it to my fury, as well as the fear I have for my dad. I fear that he won't be packed in time, fear that he'll have 300 boxes to move, fear that his old house won't sell and my brother will lose his shirt (he bought my dad's new house for him and will pay the old mortgate until it sells because dad has absolutely NO savings whatsoever), and fear that I will be spending every free minute I have over the next month packing and scrubbing for my dad. Just the thought of it all makes me feel incredibly resentful. My parents inherited about $200,000 from my grandmother and went through it in less than ten years. Unbelievable.

1 comment:

Isabelle said...

Oh dear, poor you. This all sounds very trying. But it'll be ok. It'll pass. Everything does. Just keep eating apples and carrots and think of the vitamins coursing round your system. Or something.