Thursday, January 10, 2008


That's how I feel ...blah.... I've had a headache every afternoon for three days. I don't know if it's the change in the weather (we had a sudden warm up this past week), related to hormones, or what, but it's very wearing. The skies are grey and icky, as usual in January, and I probably am fighting the SAD that has plagued me since moving back north from Texas. I am also in the midst of working 11 days in a row. Actually I WISH I were in the midst -- I am only on day 4. Tomorrow I have a bit of a break since I have training all day to learn Powerpoint, but then I have to work the next 7 days in a row. Boo hoo.

Okay, enough whingeing. I can't stand myself. I just got back from a very long walk with the dog. I slept terribly fitfully last night and couldn't get up at 4:45am when my alarm went off, so I skipped my morning exercise (except for walking the dog). So we set out after I got home from work to go to the park. I'm not sure how far we walked -- my new pedometer says four miles, though I think it is suspiciously optimistic -- but we walked for 90 minutes. I know most people could walk four miles in 90 minutes, but since breaking my leg I am the slowest walker ever. It takes me 30-35 minutes to walk a mile with the dog. I imagine part of that is due to the stopping for peeing and sniffing and eating disgusting things that are mashed into the road. Ugh. Tonight is my first yoga class. I'm kind of excited, but nervous that I won't really be able to do it since my leg doesn't bend all the way anymore. Stay tuned.

Lately when I catch a glimpse of myself in a window, I can't help but see how round I've gotten. I feel somewhat embarassed by it, but I'm trying to convince myself that perhaps I could be both round and happy. It doesn't really work. Here I am at left with my dear SIL, who has also struggled with her weight since high school. It seems very unfair that she has four male siblings and a dad who were all skinny beanpoles as teenagers and young adults (one still is -- four struggle a bit with love handles). My SIL and I joined TOPS together about 8 years ago and became quite close because of it. We used to walk together every evening and chat about everything. We both lost quite a bit of weight -- I think she got down to a size 14 -- but alas, we both gained it all back. We've grown apart a bit since she got married and had an instant family of three stepchildren (whose mom died several years ago), but I still consider her my best friend. I know she too is terribly unhappy about being overweight and I wish I could wave a wand over both of us.

1 comment:

Isabelle said...

You are so hard on yourself! I can't believe that you're seriously worried about your weight! You're lovely. I'm sure I've said this before, but I spent my youth worrying about mine and when I look now at photos of myself, I was fine. And I wish I could go back now and tell myself that.

I know that you have to feel happy in yourself, but honestly - why would I lie?

What beautiful little girls, too.