Therapy

I was reading the book Confessions of a Carb Queen, which is a very raw memoir of a woman who went to the Rice Diet Clinic in North Carolina weighing 468.1 pounds and ended up staying for 2 1/2 years, losing 250 pounds or so in the process. It was quite absorbing, though I would have liked more details about how she changed from a person who fell asleep dreaming of food even after her clinic stay to a person who no longer longs for food. Anyway, she had a poem in the book that I just loved:

The jump

is

so

frightening between

where I am

and

where I want to be....

because of all I may become

I will close my eyes and

leap.

---Anonymous

I feel as though today I leapt. I saw my therapist and we wrote out a list of goals. Wow, was it long. Interestingly, her focus is not at all on stopping the binges or food. It's on working on the underlying issues that caused the eating disorder. Huh. Who'd have thought?

She had given me some tests last month and I scored pretty high for having an eating disorder, interpersonal problems, and some other things. I scored almost off the charts for perfectionism and body dissatisfaction. No surprise there whatsoever. I will see her in one week and she asked me to choose one thing from our list of goals to work on. I chose procrastination, so for the next week I am supposed to work on not procrastinating and not needing everything to be perfect (because the two go hand in hand).

In other news, I got an 89, 90, and 97 in bowling, which helped our team win all three games. My average is up to 79 now. In two weeks we have our potluck and the last night until fall. I think I will miss it (HA HA HA HA!). My weekend had its ups and downs. On Saturday we went out to dinner at Logan's Roadhouse. I was already quite hungry when we arrived and we ended up having to wait 75 minutes for a table. By the time we got dinner rolls I could have eaten the table. They serve a humongous bucket of peanuts for you to much on while you wait, but I limited myself to about three because I really wanted to enjoy my dinner. I had only one dinner roll while my 10-year-old ate four! She was quite hungry herself. I really enjoyed my salad, part of my steak, and part of my sweet potato. They have little tiny desserts served in cute little buckets. I had the Nutter Butter Fudgeslide -- about half a cup or so of chocolate mousse with a thin layer of peanut butter topping, and a dollop of whipped cream on top. It was perfect -- just enough sweet and richness. On Sunday, I overate after bowling because I was too hungry, but I didn't binge. Yesterday was fine. I'm getting there.

p.s. I saw four crocuses in our front yard! Wa hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!