It seems I can no longer fool myself (and that's a good thing!)

On Saturday, I was totally procrastinating cleaning my house (16 people for father's day dinner!) and thought "Oh, maybe I'll just make brownies for the dads to take home from the dinner with them". I quickly caught myself in my dishonesty -- I was procrastinating and wanted to eat, so thought I'd make brownies to waste time and lick out the bowl at the same time (multi-tasking, you know). So, rather than making brownies, I did dishes, laundry, and put away the new lamps I bought on Friday!

Friday night, my dh got home really late from Chicago and I was on my own with the girls. These days getting them to bed is a huge, long process that sometimes turns into a frustrating ordeal, so both of us hate to do it alone. After dinner I took them out to the mall to have R's (the 8-year-old) ears pierced. She's been asking for a couple of weeks to do it. We enjoyed a "kiddie cone" each at Dairy Queen afterward and went home, getting there around 9:15, which is late for them to get to bed. They were cranky and I was exhausted! I had gotten up at 5 to go to the gym and it was so busy at work -- when I took off my pedometer last night I'd walked 15000 steps.

I just wanted to eat, but recognized immediately that it was only because I just wanted to go to bed but knew I had the bedtime thing to get through first. Knowing that really helped -- I just did what I had to do and went to bed myself. I was fighting the urge to eat all day long on Saturday. I think because I ate half my 3-year-old's doughnut while we were out running errands and it was my day off from exercise (which gave me those irrational "I blew it!" feelings), combined with the fact that we had two food-filled social things to do in the afternoon and evening. I didn't dread them, but felt a bit nervous because of the way I'd wanting to eat all day. I was hoping that just being aware of my feelings would help me stay with them at the open house and cookout.

We got to the open house and I just had two bites of a Subway sub and one bite of C's ice cream bar. At the cookout the food wasn't fabulous -- hot dogs, Doritoes, corn on the cob, watermelon, and pasta salad. I skipped the past salad because I just don't like it all that much, and had a small helping of the other items. The only thing I regret is that I took a fudge bar for dessert -- because it was not really very good. I knew that after a few licks, but there wasn't any good way for me to ditch it and I didn't want to be rude. I need to get over being a "good girl" and just stop eating stuff that isn't all that great simply to be polite.