Work was totally different last week since we were in the midst of some remodeling. I had far fewer obsessive food thoughts than usual -- due to the change in routine? Being too busy to think about food? No boredom with being stuck at the desk? I don't know. I haven't had any binges that I can recall, but have definitely had some overeating going on. I weighed myself and saw 172.4 on the scale. I think I need to start keeping a food journal again because I really don't see that I'm eating all that much more than I was a year ago, and I'm definitely more active -- yet I've gained ten pounds!
I am having the thought more and more often that I should get rid of every piece of clothing that doesn't fit me and accept the idea that I will never again be a size 6 or even an 8. The thought of actually doing the deed is painful. I might end up with only about 8 outfits. I swear I have given away so many clothes because they were all too small, then they were all too big, then they were all too small....ay yi yi. I have probably wasted $100,000 on clothing in my lifetime. I want to go buy some new clothes but it's so hard to find something that is truly flattering to me in this size. I'd have to spend hours and hours and hours trying things on. Just the thought is exhausting. I ordered some stuff via the Internet from J Jill and Coldwater Creek. When I tried it on, it didn't really look all that great but I was too lazy to send it back. This is why I have to buy clothing in person.
I saw my orthopedic surgeon for the last time. He said everything has healed just fine and there has been no degradation of my knee in the past year. My quad and calf muscles are still visibly smaller than in my other leg. I'm not allowed to run, jump, skip, hop, do aerobics, etc ever again. He is even rather iffy about hiking, and advised me to join the Y and do water aerobics. He did say that it's still okay to bike and do the elliptical, but that I should have my bike seat as high as possible for less pressure on my knee. Most of the time I'm okay with my limitations, but sometimes I just feel so sad -- and mad -- why did simply falling off a f*%#ing bike have to cause so much damage?!? Then again, I didn't lose my leg, I don't have cancer, and my family is healthy. I am blessed in so many ways -- perhaps I should just quit whining and be grateful :-)
Do I Have Postpartum Depression?
4 days ago