I swear Geneen Roth is writing directly to me (or about me) in some parts of her book. I had three or four great days of conscious eating and then I suddenly freaked out on Wednesday and had a big binge. WTF? I'm so angry with myself -- not because I binged so much as because I was very aware it was happening and I didn't take any of the steps that one is supposed to take in that particular situation. I printed out the steps and stuck them in the drawer to pull out next time. If I am not willing to do the work to heal, I am never going to heal.
I saw a counselor on Tuesday morning about my compulsive eating. She says I should try to get the HMO to refer me to a psychiatrist because a generalist just isn't going to cut it. She feels that I have a bit of obsessive/compulsive disorder, mild depression, and an eating disorder and could benefit for medication for anxiety and some psychiatric sessions. I made an appointment for my yearly checkup so we shall see. If worse comes to worse, I will bumble along until open enrollment, switch to a PPO and make the damn appointment myself!
C starts gymnastics tomorrow. I asked if she wanted me or T to take her and she said me. She told me, "I don't like daddy very well. He drives me crazy!"
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