Friday, February 10, 2006

physical therapy, round two..and the depressing number on the scale

I had my first visit back to physical therapy yesterday and I'm going to spend most of my time trying to strengthen the interior quad muscle, which is depressingly concave. I'll be hooked up to a biofeedback machine that will let me retrain the muscle to fire, instead of having it laze around letting the outside quad do all the work. Then I'll spend a few minutes walking backward on a treadmill (at a snail's pace of .8 mph), which apparently also helps.

I think (dare I say it?!) that I'm finally able to ride my exercise bike without consequences, as long as I ice the heck out of my knee afterward. I've been riding for a week and a half for 30 minutes at a time, and my knee has been sore but not unbearably so. I'm really, really down about how out of shape I've gotten since July.

I weighed myself this morning and it was 158.2. Let me repeat that -- 158.2! I am shocked. I haven't weighed this much in many, many years. I broke down and went to the consignment shop yesterday to buy new pants. Apparently, I was in complete denial because I took size 8s to try on. Out of 8 pair, one fit well enough to buy. I switched to 10s and even some of those were tight. I haven't worn a size 10 for over 2 years (except my Levi 505s). I was very sad -- I am very sad. I have on a pair of size 10 pleated pants today that are really tight in the waist.

I cannot go on another diet. I simply cannot. It doesn't work, it has never worked, it never will work. I need to learn to make peace with food.

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