Sunday, February 19, 2006

progress, not perfection

So far, my list of things I enjoy:
eating (ha ha)
rubber stamping
going to the movies
ice skating
reading blogs
playing cards

that's it so far. I can say that some of these aren't really things I enjoy as much as I enjoy the results -- gardening isn't fun, but I like seeing the flowers and nice yard that come of doing it. Cooking -- is it fun, or do I just like hearing people say "mmmm... this is yummy!" I can't walk, bike, or ice skate til my leg heals. I can't scrapbook or rubber stamp until I get the stuff unpacked after our move. So I guess I'd better get unpacking.

Someone posted this on the bb and it definitely resonated with me:

"I'd like to also add that all of my cravings for food that would constitute disordered eating are linked to one of two things and only these two things:
1. I am not expressing something that needs to be expressed.
i.e. Mad about something and not talking about it
Excited about something and not sharing it with another person
Sad about something, but not taking time to just sit and be sad without having to rush around and fix the sad.
Remembering stuff that I am trying to forget (which needs to be remembered and expressed) OR
2. I'm not taking care of meeting my needs.
i.e. like staying up late cause I don't want to miss out on anything and not getting sleep working too many hours and not taking time to play with play-doh
not getting enough hugs
not taking appropriate breaks
So the way I FLEX my EMOTIONAL MUSCLE is by finding a way to either EXPRESS what needs to be expressed, or find other non-food related solutions to getting my needs met. By the way expressing emotions doesn't always mean I'm a crying-teddy-bear-clinging-thumb-sucking-bundle-o-emotions. Some times expressing myself means playing the piano, drawing, dancing, doing my karate, writing in the Forums here with y'all. it can take many many creative forms. There are lots of outlets for self-expression."

I have definitely realized that my emotional eating mainly stems from boredom, procrastination, frustration/anger, loneliness. I can fix the first two easily -- by entertaining myself and -- for pete's sake, just buckling down and doing what needs to be done. I so often overeat when T is gone and I'm alone with the girls. I shouldn't be lonely or feel stressed -- I'm a good mom and I'm perfectly capable of taking care of them alone. I'm just lazy about doing fun things with them. I need to get over that -- they're only little once and I remember feeling so excited every time my parents would play with us.

I took R to see "Hoodwinked" on Friday -- clever movie for older kids. C definitely wouldn't have appreciated the humor. I was unpacking sb stuff before hopping on the computer. I made chocolate chip cookies this morning and one (admittedly large) one was enough. Then I ate one after lunch too -- procrastinating coming down here to unpack. I don't feel tempted to run up and eat the whole container of them, however. Progress, not perfection.

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