Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Saw Dr M on Monday

Dr M was encouraged by the progress I've had since my last visit. He said the loose PCL can't really be fixed without surgery, but mine is "grade 1" (grade 3 is the worst) so it can be helped by strengthening the quad muscle. The crunching in my knee is due to roughness on the back of the kneecap and may go away as I use my leg more and more. If it doesn't, they can smooth it with some surgery. He said to keep doing the straight leg raises -- as many as 200 a day. Yikes -- I've been doing about 36 every other day. I can ride the bike as long as my knee doesn't swell to much and as long as I ice it afterward. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

I did ride the bike for 15 minutes on Sunday and it was okay. My knee was quite sore Monday and Tuesday, but that may have been due to all of the walking I did without my cane over the weekend. I only used it at work. I'm going to try and ride tonight after dinner and then ice it.

Eating is okay. I continue to be amazed at how little food it takes to satisfy hunger. We had pierogies and chicken, broccoli, and bread sticks the other night. I took two pierogies, about 3 bites of chicken, a cup of broccoli, and a bread stick. I was stuffed! Now, if I could only get rid of the damn sweet tooth. I'm always too full to eat dessert, but eat it anyway or I feel deprived. How can I overcome this? I love dessert and would rather eat it than dinner. I did eat a small piece of cheesecake for a snack in the afternoon the other day (I was hungry), knowing that I'd be too full to eat it after dinner. I still WANTED a dessert after dinner though. I ate a small piece of dark chocolate and part of C's Hostess cupcake.

I know the emphasis right now is not supposed to be on losing weight, but I am so tempted to count calories. I feel so hugely fat. I know many women would love to be my size, but after being so small for so long, I feel gigantic. I feel self conscious all the time about my size. Every time I look in the mirror, I have "bad body thoughts" and I can't seem to short circuit them. Buying larger pants would help. My size 6s are so tight as to be uncomfortable.

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