I saw the therapist for the second time yesterday. When I mentioned that I just couldn't figure out WHY I binged or ate when I wasn't hungry, she said that it's not necessary to always try and figure out why. You just have to change the behavior. So, if the time after dinner is always a problem for me, I need to change the pattern. Instead of sitting around at the bar in the kitchen or at the dining room table reading the paper, I need to leave the room and do something different. I can't wait until the urge to binge strikes and then try to force myself not to eat -- rather I need to live "as if" -- as if I'll feel the urge every day -- and figure out how to head it off. I need to not put myself in trigger situations. It sounds so simple. I made cookies today. They were small and after I ate two, I told myself to do something different. So I left the room and foudn something else to do. It worked! The urge to eat more passed.
She also asked me to write out a detailed description of how my relationship with food would look if it were "normal". What would I be doing, what would I be eating, what would I be feeling, etc. So I need to start working on that.
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