I've eaten 5 or 6 graham crackers -- no bingeing behavior around them. However, they are the fat free cinnamon sugar kind (not my favorite), I have no milk at work to dunk them in, and they aren't mine. I'd be rather mortified to have a coworker walk in on me eating an entire inner package of them.
I thought of completely staying away from them, which is often easier than trying to eat just a little bit of any tempting food. Is that realistic though? I can't go through my entire life avoiding foods that have been problematic for me in the past. I'd become a hermit, never venturing to a dinner party or restaurant. When I was 30 lbs thinner, I was afraid of restaurants. I brought my own lunch to a scrapbooking crop because I had asked the hostess what she was serving ahead of time and didn't want to eat croissants with chicken salad! I don't want to go back to that again. What a weirdo.
Last night the girls and I went out to dinner with my dad (T stayed at home brushing up on his testimony for a trial). R chose IHOP, and I actually looked up the menu ahead of time because I was nervous. Their "healthy" choices looked rather unappealing, and when we got there I ordered a sandwich, then changed to a bacon burger on sourdough with fries. It was rather tasty, but I was pretty full after half of it. I took the other half home and left five or so fries on the plate. I was full, but not overfull. I still felt guilt. How long does it take for that dumb feeling to go away?!?
We went off to see the butterflies at the local botanical garden, and then stopped for ice cream on the way home. I got a kiddie cone, feeling some guilt because I wasn't the slightest bit physically hungry. Neither R nor C finished their cones, and I threw them away instead of polishing them off.
I've been experimenting today with eating until I'm JUST full. I am hungry sooner than usual, but I feel less guilt and, of course, am eating less food. Next time I KNOW I'm going to have dessert (as I did last night), I will try and stop even sooner. To be honest, I think I could have eaten only half the fries and about a quarter to a third of the burger and felt fine. I might have even been hungry again when it was time for ice cream.
Do I Have Postpartum Depression?
4 days ago