In answer to a couple of the comments I got (and THANK YOU for your lovely supportive comments!) -- I really can't eat dessert first at dinner. Well, I could -- but wouldn't it be providing a bad example for my children? They are, so far, totally normal eaters without any weird food attitudes and I'd like to keep it that way. My older dd never had any sort of dessert until after her first birthday and even then it was a rare thing. I'm not sure how on earth we got into the habit of having it every night after dinner (which is how it was for me growing up) but now I can't backpeddle and stop. I've tried and the girls think they're deprived and want to go out to get ice cream if we have nothing sweet in the house.
I'm still wavering on the class. I think I'll wait and see if she calls me. I asked her to give me a ring when the class was ready to start up again, so when and if she calls I will ask her a few more questions about exactly what she does and what her success rate is. I wouldn't mind starting up some sort of support group myself, but all of the support groups I've been involved in online seem to divide into two groups of women -- one group that totally gets IE and can't seem to grasp why the second group is having so much trouble leaving bingeing and overeating behind (ahem...my group). I imagine a real-life group would be much the same unless it was lead by a therapist.
I started doing my upper body weight training DVD again a couple of weeks ago. Good grief, was I sore! It took me until a couple of days ago to be able to make it through the abs portion without giving up before reaching the end. It has reminded me of how good weight training feels -- how strong and capable one feels after a session. My leg is stronger now than it was last time I did the DVD -- 6 months ago maybe? There's an exercise in the ab portion that's like the plank in Pilates and my leg isn't shaky and trembly now when I do it. I have noticed that lately I can walk up the stairs without help from the railing, as long as I'm not carrying anything heavy. I still need the rail to go down or I feel as though I'm going to pitch forward, but hopefully someday I'll be rail-free!
I've been thinking about something Geneen Roth says -- that food gives you something -- something you need that you aren't getting. What could I be not getting? I definitely have put my life on hold since my accident. I still have boxes that need unpacking and haven't entertained much at all, beyond family. The walls are still mostly empty, the shelves are still mostly empty, and I still haven't unpacked and organized my scrapbooking stuff enough to accomplish anything. When I have time on my hands at home, I usually manage to spend it paying bills, doing routine cleaning, baking or cooking, eating, or sitting around reading.
Two years ago I was so convinced that when we moved to a house that we weren't ashamed of we'd keep it up better and have people over more often. That may have happened if I hadn't shattered my leg, but after I recovered, everything seemed like too much of an effort. I tired easily if I stood too long, I couldn't carry things, going up and down the stairs was awkward, and I just got lazy somehow. So....no more waiting! Today I get out of work at 12:15pm (since I work on Sunday) and I'm going home to unpack. I'm determined to work on it every day I have off until it's done. When unpacking is done, I'm moving on to pictures on the walls.
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