Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Singin' the Tight Pants Blues

I'm rather down today. I haven't weighed myself, but my pants were really tight this morning. I haven't had any sort of binge since Easter (when I grazed myself into a food coma at a family brunch), and I haven't really been overeating much at meals. However, I've been having some sort of dessert at most every lunch and dinner. Dessert at lunch is usually just a couple of Hershey kisses or a dozen m&ms (unless a coworker has brought in something delish), but my dinnertime desserts have been things like hot fudge sundaes, root beer floats, large pieces of leftover Easter bunny, handfuls of cookies....all without being the slightest bit hungry.

I'm feeling a bit hopeless. I know I can't go on a diet -- if I can't stop myself from eating cookies after dinner I would certainly not be able to stick to any kind of diet. Yet I'm very, very unhappy over my weight gain. I feel as though I've been writing and re-writing this exact thing over and over and over again for a year now and I'm not getting anywhere.

There is a class starting up in May that is supposed to help one stop bingeing, conquer cravings, deal with feelings instead of eating them, etc. I spoke to the teacher about it last winter, but didn't sign up because it costs almost $600. That is a large chunk of money for us -- a large chunk. I finally worked up the courage to ask T if it would be okay for me to spend the money to take it and he (bless his cheapskate penny pinching heart) didn't hesitate before saying if I thought it would help me, I should go right ahead. I hesitate though because good heavens, I could teach such a class! I've read so many books on how to stop binge eating, how to eat healthfully, how to eat intuitively, how to deal with negative thought patterns and feelings. Through my HMO, I've taken a class in dealing with stress, a class based on the book Thoughts & Feelings : taking control of your moods and your life, a class based on the L.E.A.R.N. book (deals with losing weight without dieting), I've had therapy... I feel as though I've done it all and nothing has helped. The simple fact is that there is no magic pill -- no magic class. I have to do it myself and so far have been unable to do it. If I spend $600 on something that doesn't help yet again, I think the guilt will be overwhelming.

7 comments:

sweetchocolatekisses said...

Sometimes attending Seminars can help you to concentrate on what you are doing and also remind you of principles that you perhaps have forgotten (or at least not practicing anymore).

Desert wise, how about eating desert first?? Perhaps it would be easier to leave your main meal that it would to leave chocolate??

Try not to worry about the weight gain, it's not worth beating yourself up about - being kind to yourself about it is the best idea xx

Denise said...

I read what you've written and wonder how you can possibly be inside my head without my knowing it. Truly, I am with you on every level and will be endlessly grateful if you figure out "the answer" and agree to share it with me. In the meantime, chin up and keep marching forward.

Tree Lover said...

Based on my own experience, I don't think it's enough to read books on intuitive eating. I honestly don't see how anyone can be succesful at it alone. I rely tremendously on my online support system, and I think a real life support system would be even better. The seminar sounds like a good plan. But if you're not comfortable shelling out $600, how about looking for some sort of intuitive eating support group? Or starting one yourself? Just a thought!

Tiana said...

I agree with Tree Lover. I've read so many IE books, taken notes, studied like I was back in grad school, but I'm still struggling. I wish I could go to a class like that--it sounds great. It is expensive, though. We certainly couldn't spring for that. But, you know, money isn't everything (so they say).

SCK has a good idea about eating dessert first.

I think if you take away the desserts, then the spiral will start again.

Isabelle said...

Hmm, I like the idea of the dessert first.

Thanks for your comment on my recent post. I think one has to remember that at least one's children won't remember the times one was grumpy with them when they were little...

Diet Free Leesha said...

I am really looking forward to reading about the class, there is nothing ever like that here

lisalgreer said...

Hi, I tried normal eating for well over a year. I finally realized that I'm sugar sensitive and am workingo n that. I am now feeling good and positive and no longer fight with food every day. I tell as many people as I can about this who seem to be struggling with trying to be a normal eater. It was freeing to realize that my body chemistry is not that of a 'normal eater.'