Tuesday, October 11, 2005

busy weekend

R had a soccer game Saturday morning. I didn't go -- had an appointment to get my hair cut & colored at noon and didn't want to get too tired. I had to go to someone different and she cut it too short and colored it too dark. Oh well.

Saturday evening we went to Dan & Megan's wedding. It was a very short wedding and the reception was a the Van Andel Museum. It was a lovely place to have a reception -- cold though. They had beautiful huge bouquets on the tables -- white hydangeas, white roses, and some other white flower I didn't recognize. T got quite toasted -- he was dancing with four or five women at one point. We sort of danced a couple of slow dances. My ankle was hugely swollen by the time we left around 11:30. It was fun though. We sat with TJ & Lisa, Ryan and Carey, Steve, and someone who didn't show up.

Sunday I worked. It was busy and my knee ached by the time I was done. We went out to Sears after I got home to buy me an exercise bike. T already put it together. I'm afraid to overdo, so I only rode 5 minutes today -- just to warm up before doing my exercises. After Sears we drove out to Logan's to meet Michael & Kim for dinner. I managed to stick to mostly healthy choices, but ate two rolls.

Yesterday after work I went to Novacare to work out. Jason was too busy to help me much, but he measured my knee angle -- still 120 degrees. I rode the bike for 2 15-minute segments and the area of my tibia break started hurting when I tried to go up to level 3. I turned it down to 1 and it seemed to be okay. I've been really concentrating on trying to keep most of my weight off the crutches. Maybe it's working -- this morning I managed to walk around for a while with only one crutch! I'm beginning to believe that I really will walk without help again.

I don't know what is wrong with me though -- I ate lunch and then polished off the goldfish crackers, the pretzels, a bunch of spray cheese, and a small bowl of ice cream. ARGH! I'm beginning to wonder what on earth it is. While I was confined to bed I did so well -- ate very small portions and lost 10 pounds. I've gained it all back though. I can't seem to stop myself. Before my accident I thought it was work. I definitely don't love my job and feel sort of stuck in it. I don't hate it, but don't enjoy it like I used to. I feel very pulled in many directions between working full time, running a household, having a husband, having 2 kids, and trying to have a social life too. But I really missed work while I was off. Besides, I've had a bingeing problem off and on since I was 13 or so. I try to stop and think about what I'm feeling when I get the urge, but even if I can pinpoint my feelings, it doesn't help. The only thing that has really helped is to leave the situation. Next time I am going to make a concerted effort to walk away and get involved in something else when I get that urge. I don't want to gain back all the weight I've lost!

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